Family values.What are they.Like a value to a piece of art I suppose it is only worth what someone is willing to sacrifice for it.I say that lightly only because I myself have come from a quite dysfunctional family and when I had got to thinking the other day I realized when I watch other families well I don't know how a normal one operates.I never sat at the table,I rarely can remember a family function and well as far as morals and life issues My family that I knew and I probably weren't the best to model yourself after. This comes up today in this blog well, because as I was younger not having family never really bothered me.I handled it well made the best of what I had and that seemed to be good enough.As I have gotten older and am now about to hit 31 in feb. I realized this want for family.This urge to have it.Now I have a daughter I have not been able to see for an extended period of time and I love her dearly which only fuels this family wanting fire.But as I look at other people (some not all)I realize they only use there family,They value it more than life itself,and with some they cannot stand it and it seems that blood may be no thicker than water.
I guess where I have become perplexed by this conundrum is why now?Why the deep want for family as I have gotten older when I was fine without it?Aside from the things with my daughter who I have never stopped longing for I catch myself wishing my deceased mother was back.I catch myself wanting to have a relationship with my biological father whom I have only seen a dozen times in 30 years,6 of those times being in the last 2 yrs.I also find myself wanting to know the family roots,meet cousins,all in all I guess take a sense of pride or hope in the word family.Now personally in my family well this doesn't work many have tried at numerous let downs and fails.Not a sob story but the family is known only to come together at funerals if that.So back to the original question?
Is this something planted so deep within us we don't even realize it?Is this case of wants or morals built into us or picked up along the journey?Do you keep striving for the unreachable?Or do you just let it go?The fact that through my whole life.Crazy childhood,drug addicted mother,being addicted myself,homelessness,having tons of money,being poor,happy,sad.....Through all of this the two things I cannot shake and take the hardest is the tribulations with my daughter and the want for my blood family.I have plowed through many hard situations without too much trouble.Bringing me to only one logical answer through what I have seen.IS IT SOMETHING SO DEEPLY WANTED BECAUSE IT IS SO UNOBTAINABLE?!The reason I stress that question is cause and this is not everyone but a majority I feel I can safely say.....At my age if they have family its a bother or they don't want it.If they don't have it they long for it.If they have it and its severely dysfunctional they get caught in a limbo of heartache and torment from the ins-and outs.
Family in my opinion at one time had a sense of pride and value.You were happy to be the butchers son and you followed the trade with pride no questions asked.Family had a meaning.Family had a sense of hope.Family was behind you through the good and the bad.And please I am not suggesting anyone abandon all hope or take this as a judgement call this still exists in some families to this day.I just sit here typing completely perplexed on how it is that I have gotten older and now I feel I need my family...Let me also state when I say need family throughout this whole blog I have been talking about love.Not for money or whatever it may be that you can receive from someone.Just that unconditional love.So as I bring this to an end I would like to stress a simple suggestion.If you have family and can tolerate them love them regardless cause they may not be here tomorrow.And if anyone understands deeper than I why this want to have family is instilled in us regardless of age well leave a comment as it would be much appreciated.Have a good day everyone
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
seasons in life
Life like art has seasons.A time to paint and a time where you just aren't feeling it.In these seasons I myself wonder why me?Why must it hit now?Like the cliche when it rains it pours.Well life is funny like that.Here is a perspective did you ever notice crying looks like laughing if there was no sound!These emotional or physical seasons come regardless of our actions.These seasons make us who we are.There would be no happiness without being there for a rough spot or two.
When faced with change or a season embrace it.Now it may not be easy nor may it feel like the right thing to do but,unless you can do something to change it well.......Embrace what makes us stronger.Embrace what makes us individuals.These seasons so to speak are just like a natural season like spring or fall they only last so long.And as much as it may seem like eternity while dealing with it remember that it will eventually evolve into something else.I am in a season.Yes I still have my stable points my sobriety,apartment,so on and so on but I personally have not painted in about a month.For those who truly know me well this is an oddity for me.But,it was a season and the transformation or evolution just had to take place.
Being born Feb. of 1981 am like alot of us 80's children.We want everything yesterday.Most of us would like to get from point A to point B in as little time with the least amount of work involved.Well some of us as we get older realize this is not possible"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary". But, these seasons that everyone reacts to and treats differently help us.These seasons as uncomfortable as they may be teach us our mistakes.When to slow down.When to speed up.What has worked in the past.What has not.These seasons or trials and tribulations in life have a purpose.I personally get frustrated when I cannot go from A to B and wonder why there are stumbling blocks in my path.But I try to understand without having stumbled would I truly appreciate what I have today!?...Without the mishaps and the difficulties well how strong as individuals would be truly be.Very much like art life takes practice.And very much like art you almost never get it perfect.But it is possible to get it to a point of comfort-ability.So when hit with a season in your mind that may seem equivalent to a northeast Ohio winter...Remember this can only exist so long.Prepare,Handle,Brace,and Embrace.Realize there is a possibility this may happen again.And back to another overused cliche.Is the glass half empty or half full?Because in a sense life is what you make of it and how you chose to see it.So if your glass is always half full the seasons seem to me to go by quicker where as when your glass is half empty now your going through troubles and your looking at this half empty glass.It in my opinion would be hard to stay positive that way.So enjoy your days.Prepare the best you can.And life is going to do what it is going to do.Try to handle it the best way you know how and when it feels like its going to overtake you well thats where you learn to better prepare for the next issue...As always smile,embrace,enjoy and get out there and live life
When faced with change or a season embrace it.Now it may not be easy nor may it feel like the right thing to do but,unless you can do something to change it well.......Embrace what makes us stronger.Embrace what makes us individuals.These seasons so to speak are just like a natural season like spring or fall they only last so long.And as much as it may seem like eternity while dealing with it remember that it will eventually evolve into something else.I am in a season.Yes I still have my stable points my sobriety,apartment,so on and so on but I personally have not painted in about a month.For those who truly know me well this is an oddity for me.But,it was a season and the transformation or evolution just had to take place.
Being born Feb. of 1981 am like alot of us 80's children.We want everything yesterday.Most of us would like to get from point A to point B in as little time with the least amount of work involved.Well some of us as we get older realize this is not possible"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary". But, these seasons that everyone reacts to and treats differently help us.These seasons as uncomfortable as they may be teach us our mistakes.When to slow down.When to speed up.What has worked in the past.What has not.These seasons or trials and tribulations in life have a purpose.I personally get frustrated when I cannot go from A to B and wonder why there are stumbling blocks in my path.But I try to understand without having stumbled would I truly appreciate what I have today!?...Without the mishaps and the difficulties well how strong as individuals would be truly be.Very much like art life takes practice.And very much like art you almost never get it perfect.But it is possible to get it to a point of comfort-ability.So when hit with a season in your mind that may seem equivalent to a northeast Ohio winter...Remember this can only exist so long.Prepare,Handle,Brace,and Embrace.Realize there is a possibility this may happen again.And back to another overused cliche.Is the glass half empty or half full?Because in a sense life is what you make of it and how you chose to see it.So if your glass is always half full the seasons seem to me to go by quicker where as when your glass is half empty now your going through troubles and your looking at this half empty glass.It in my opinion would be hard to stay positive that way.So enjoy your days.Prepare the best you can.And life is going to do what it is going to do.Try to handle it the best way you know how and when it feels like its going to overtake you well thats where you learn to better prepare for the next issue...As always smile,embrace,enjoy and get out there and live life
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