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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Family Values

Family values.What are they.Like a value to a piece of art I suppose it is only worth what someone is willing to sacrifice for it.I say that lightly only because I myself have come from a quite dysfunctional family and when I had got to thinking the other day I realized when I watch other families well I don't know how a normal one operates.I never sat at the table,I rarely can remember a family function and well  as far as morals and life issues My family that I knew and I probably weren't the best to model yourself after. This comes up today in this blog well, because as I was younger not having family never really bothered me.I handled it well made the best of what I had and that seemed to be good enough.As I have gotten older and am now about to hit 31 in feb. I realized this want for family.This urge to have it.Now I have a daughter I have not been able to see for an extended period of time and I love her dearly which only fuels this family wanting fire.But as I look at other people (some not all)I realize they only use there family,They value it more than life itself,and with some they cannot stand it and it seems that blood may be no thicker than water.

I guess where I have become perplexed by this conundrum is why now?Why the deep want for family as I have gotten older when I was fine without it?Aside from the things with my daughter who I have never stopped longing for I catch myself wishing my deceased mother was back.I catch myself wanting to have a relationship with my biological father whom I have only seen a dozen times in 30 years,6 of those times being in the last 2 yrs.I also find myself wanting to know the family roots,meet cousins,all in all I guess take a sense of pride or hope in the word family.Now personally in my family well this doesn't work many have tried at numerous let downs and fails.Not a sob story but the family is known only to come together at funerals if that.So back to the original question?

Is this something planted so deep within us we don't even realize it?Is this case of wants or morals built into us or picked up along the journey?Do you keep striving for the unreachable?Or do you just let it go?The fact that through my whole life.Crazy childhood,drug addicted mother,being addicted myself,homelessness,having tons of money,being poor,happy,sad.....Through all of this the two things I cannot shake and take the hardest is the tribulations with my daughter and the want for my blood family.I have plowed through many hard situations without too much trouble.Bringing me to only one logical answer through what I have seen.IS IT SOMETHING SO DEEPLY WANTED BECAUSE IT IS SO UNOBTAINABLE?!The reason I stress that question is cause and this is not everyone but a majority I feel I can safely say.....At my age if they have family its a bother or they don't want it.If they don't have it they long for it.If they have it and its severely dysfunctional they get caught in a limbo of heartache and torment from the ins-and outs.

Family in my opinion at one time had a sense of pride and value.You were happy to be the butchers son and you followed the trade with pride no questions asked.Family had a meaning.Family had a sense of hope.Family was behind you through the good and the bad.And please I am not suggesting anyone abandon all hope or take this as a judgement call this still exists in some families to this day.I just sit here typing completely perplexed on how it is that I have gotten older and now I feel I need my family...Let me also state when I say need family throughout this whole blog I have been talking about love.Not for money or whatever it may be that you can receive from someone.Just that unconditional love.So as I bring this to an end I would like to stress a simple suggestion.If you have family and can tolerate them love them regardless cause they may not be here tomorrow.And if anyone understands deeper than I why this want to have family is instilled in us regardless of age well leave a comment as it would be much appreciated.Have a good day everyone

1 comment:

  1. What you define as a dysfunctional family ,is in actuality, the normal family values of today. Up until the late 80's, family was defined as spending time together, wether it was eating together, holidays,playing games, or finding out about your family heritage. Now its all about how much you can spend on them to show your love. All in all its what you do at the end of the day. Yes chris more families should be close knit but in the end it is up to you and I to bring those family values back into play or no one will. As with my family, we are so dysfunctional, that nobody wants the next family memeber to know what is going on with them. But I do believe in that unconditinal love. If my family came to me for anything, I would give big.