Thursday, July 28, 2011

The change of life

Lately I have been contacted by numerous sources that state the impact that the many publications that have been done or this very blog has touched there heart or they can somehow relate.I am only telling my story and as true as it may be it is only my story.I myself have underestimated the impact the human thought or words can accomplish.I have come to realize that the one thing I have misunderstood is that even though I don't think much about my hard knocks they hit close to home with other individuals.I just live my life with the thought that it is what it is and it will be what it will be.But the more I tell my story or share with others I realize that this is a tool that can be better used.I help people who have been in my shoes as often as possible.I try to provide good insight.I do to me what I consider natural or mutual respect so to speak.As more people relate or touch base to share feelings I would hope it heals all of us knowing we are not alone.Knowing that no matter how hard or trying life can be at times that there are others.In a time when we may feel so alone we really are not.I appreciate all feedback on my story or testimony so to speak.Alot of people say wow what a gift and I personally don't consider it that.I do not cut it short of a tool to help others or myself but I don't know that it is so much a gift as it is the fact that doing things alone is uncomfortable. I would have given the world for more people like me.I had the few for which I may not be writing now without.But all in all most of my journey was traversed alone.I wouldn't wish that upon anyone.I only ask to the people this touches, To spread your awareness and your stories and help others as I have because I am realizing that the impact is astronomical.The impact a few words or a listening ear can have are immense.And the stories we share at any one time may be exactly what someone needs to hear at any one given time.I have said this before and I will say it again being positive and constructive is contagious.Think about that and just as I have touched any of you...Go out in the world humbly and be there for someone else.It spreads like a pandemic.It is not a cure for the twisted world we are forced to live in nor will it make everything better all the time but, That one listening ear,That one heart touched,The one soul encouraged and uplifted is more than we could do for anyone.I appreciate all the feedback I have received via e-mail,phone,the few comments....Keep them coming people cause they help me as much as they help you allowing all of us to go out there and help others.Never underestimate the power of your story regardless of what you think of it cause it can change lives give new perspectives and as long as your being humble and honest well what more could we ask for in life.Thank you all again!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Canvas is my muse

The canvas sits
The anxiety builds
As the paint hits
The canvas fills
Does the canvas understand
This deep seeded emotion
Started cause my mind was offhand
The canvas feels these laws of motion
Letting me release
This thing I cannot escape
Helping anxious feelings cease
The paint becomes the drapes
The colors have feeling
The canvas takes the pain
Takes everything I am dealing
Washing it away like the rain
These panic attacks drive me crazy
Therefor I turn to the art
Knowing that one day these silly feelings
Will one day depart
When they leave and allow me full life
I will still appreciate the canvas
For turning my wrongs into rights
And for giving me back the old chris
So canvas and paint
Thank you for being my muse
Taking away my mental restraints
Allowing yourselves to be used
To get me through the times
So short yet feeling so long
Taking these feelings of mine
And letting me know there not wrong.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

This reflection we see

As we look into a body of water we see a reflection.A version of us we choose to see based on what we see and feel.What do others see?Life is this body of water constantly reminding us of who we are and what we are looking at.Life being this body of water I know personally I have looked at it realizing it harbors many different things.This pond of life stares back at me showing this reflection that doesn't seem to resemble me at all.As I become irritated with this vision of me I am seeing so to speak I have kicked the surrounding land into this pond and my irritation in itself has distorted my reflection even more than before.As life or this pond starts to ripple I find my reflection becoming only more and more distorted.So as the pond calms a bit my resemblance of myself begins to reappear.Now slightly calmed I begin to analyze this reflection again.Realizing in many ways I am happy to have it back yet it does not portray me as I see me.Just before I make the decision to get angry and cause more ripples I had to realize I am in control of these ripples so to speak.I will have ripples due to outside entities but I can control the ripples I make thus distorting my reflection less as time goes on.Now the reflection in itself is only what I perceive it to be but,with life being this pond.And reflections being inescapable.Make the best of it be happy with what we have no matter how big or little that may be and realize if you keep making ripples it will become impossible to see yourself clearly.Make your pond and its surrounding area how you would like it and remember be happy with it because your the one that will be gazing into it.You can make it appealing to others but keep yourself in mind cause there will be passer byes of this pond as time goes on and you will be the one living near this pond forever.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Deep poem........

As I draw what I feel
Then as I take another look
Realize that its all so real
Only being paper in my book
As it all takes shape
The paper starts its guiding
As I see where I have escaped
But from what am I hiding
The colors in themselves
All seem to take form
These thoughts I had stored on a shelf
As the paper seemed to scorn
The paper screams at me
Needing constant attention
It all seems to be
It was me screaming did I mention
But as I let go
The paper began to listen
Telling it what nobody knows
Paper knowing it wasnt fiction
The paper worked with me
As I would draw
Not ever judging the journey
The things that I saw
For this I am grateful 
Cause It is my only release
Letting me know I am capable
Of staying on my feet
So as I look at this sheet
Feeling it is way overdone
I see a little bit of me
Like the paper wanted to run
But it had stayed at my side
Through it all right there
This paper and I went for a ride
But it did not tear
And through this papers strength
There was one thing Id always see
As it had gone to great lengths
This paper was ME

.....Another original late night poem.....Sorry if it seems a bit dark but I am an artist and this is how I express myself...I hope you enjoyed and even better if you could relate......C. Raab (artisticneurosis)

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Restriction on art

As an artist I find my often constricted.I try to go through the right venues only to be denied.?Now dont get me wrong I do not mind showing in galleries nor do I mind doing all my commission work which I am entirely grateful for but,when it comes to public arts I hit a brick wall.Many would agree if I can make it into the rock an roll hall of fame that well my art is good enough to be shown in a public area.And I only want to gain the acceptance for this type of thing to open it up for me and other artists.But at no avail I go through all the right channels and sure enough be it,the un-acceptance or narrow mindedness it always gets shut down.Now could I go to a larger city and do these things yes....But the key is opening the door!Every major city in every major state has in some way accepted the public arts.The thing that not only beautifies the city but provides the common folk with something awe inspiring to look at.Now I in no way justify doing this illegally nor do I plan on it but there has to be a way  to get public arts more accepted.There has to be.Anyone willing to help or anyone that shares the same vision let me know......C. Raab (seriously disturbed at close mindedness).........

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

A simple love poem

Art is inspiration
That I use for a muse
Being a form of motivation
That I choose to abuse
As I pick up the brush
Vivid visions in my mind
Like the gentlest of touch
Almost confined as if Im blind
Almost taken through the painting
As if something was guiding my hands
Only left with no restraining
Onward begins these plans
Taking shape like a child
Growing in leaps and bounds
These emotions have compiled
Where colors should have sounds
The palette screams for attention
Just as much as the canvas
Taking on a whole new demension
You would have thought that I had planned this
As the end draws near
Not wanting to let go
As I have released this fear
Loving this one thing I know
...............................................
This poem is original and was written at about 3:45 am and finished about 4:00am...Just an expression of one thing that has gotten me through so much in life.....Art is a way of life....Thank you for taking the time to read..

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

A metaphor for the position I find myself in

So this metaphor is about a real life situation for which I cannot post to the internet.So like anything genius you find a way.Cause this personally has me in between genius and insanity...

To people that know me this blog entry will make perfect sense to those that don't know me personally this may create some confusion.

The story evolves as follows......Stay with me here.....Ok here we go.


So two artists choose to collaborate for reasons unknown to either of them but they get together to form this one piece of artwork.A masterpiece that is equally loved by both of them.They share this masterpiece till one of the artists realize that this piece of artwork can be manipulated by changing the frame they claim it as only owned by them.They refuse to admit the value of the other artists work.They then through the market for art at the time be it a incline or decline decide well this art can be used as leverage.As the artist that was left out feels torn and lost without this masterpiece in there life.Now in time the artist using the artwork as leverage may or may not have damaged the piece.But the artist that may not get the credit or the time with the piece they love so much loved remains in constant thought about this art.Almost an obsession so to speak as if this piece of art was a CHILD.As this person debates on what to do with the person holding this masterpiece as leverage.They become torn.Wanting to take them to small claims.Wanting to show the world what this art means to them.This artist has also hit a point of being lost.Understanding there is no way possible to recreate this piece again.Refusing to drop the thought of this artwork.The thought is in so many ways the jaded artists biggest blessing and worst downfall cause the thought isn't getting the collaborated piece any closer.Therefor killing the other artist.Pulling on the motivation.Damaging the artists creativity and imagination.So as time transpires all that is left is the dream that one day the artist will achieve this goal so to speak and have this masterpiece in the living room to look at.That the artist will be able to repair the damage if any.To people that know me this blog entry will make perfect sense to those that don't know me personally this may have created some confusion.This was not my intent this blog was a personal matter I had to get off my chest and I thank you for your time.C. RAAB

what language do you laugh in?

First off excuse my absence for the past couple of weeks as I myself am doing some heavy thinking and getting ready to do this blog thing full force.I will try to stay consistent as far as pertaining art to my random thoughts...But I am going to start touching subjects that may be a little borderline as far as life...

So back to the original question what language do you laugh in?We create barriers between ourselves.Sometimes being our own worst enemy.We all cry the same tears.We all bleed and breathe the same.This is not a racial thing either.This is a boundary we establish due to beliefs,thoughts and expression.I am judged on a regular due to the art movement and how I chose to express myself.Till people see the method to my madness they always tend to judge the book by the cover thus only creating a stumbling block in between us.We all laugh in the same language.We all want to be understood.We all on some level are judged due to whatever we may be doing.Be it jealousy in the artist movement.Be it track record from a dysfunctional past.Or  maybe just pure judgement from those who don't want to understand or have a complex about themselves like many of us do IF we look into ourselves deep enough.ME INCLUDED.Please don't misunderstand these blogs are only a perception that I pull from what I see or experience in a given day.And I see like minded people with the same goals detach themselves from one another due to whatever may cause it.We would be more positive and productive in the things we do if we could all understand ourselves and take the time to understand others.How can you judge a forest when your staring at one tree.We all laugh in the same language! Point blank and I in my own opinion am not saying we have to enjoy everyone we surround ourselves with but take the time to understand them before you block them out.Personally a couple of the most beneficial people to my process as I have gone through my trials and tribulations are people I never would have guessed would have been behind me.Where would I be provided I had chosen to judge them.Don't sell yourself short due to simple misunderstandings.We for the most part are all painting this canvas we call life and we all want a nice picture...Time to collaborate....